Regarding My Term Paper About the Dani Tribe of Papua, New Guinea

To: mleonard@denvercentralhigh.edu

From: mtatleman@hotmail.com

Subject: Regarding my Term Paper about the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea

Mrs. Leonard:

You wrote on my term paper about the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea that I needed to talk to you if I wanted to at least get a ‘D’ instead of an incomplete. That was pretty aggressive, and given that the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea shun aggression against all but outsiders, it seemed better to email.

To begin with, you scrawled: Sources? Where are the sources? at the top of my paper. I think it’s clear that you don’t understand how close I am with the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea. We’re BFFs. We hang out at Flatirons Mall all the time, admittedly sometimes when we should be in class. The Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea does have a tendency to shoplift from H&M, but that’s not me and I let them be themselves.

Anyway, you told us that primary sources were better than secondary sources. What better source can there be on the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea than someone who had to help them run from mall security guards? I am my source.

The Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea believes that citing sources causes warts.

You also seemed skeptical about a lot of what I said about the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea. Personally, I think they’d be insulted. I mean, what do you really know about them? Do you drink Steel Reserve with them in the parking lot? Do you let them crash on your floor when their dad throws them out of the house again? All you really know is what somebody else said. For all you know, those people could be lying.

The Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea doesn’t have to be what you want them to be.

After all, the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea are a strange and magical people. They can leap a quarter-mile straight in the air from a standing position. They can bend steel girders with their teeth. Of course, they’d deny it if you asked. The Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea are a very private people. They don’t appreciate you nosing into their business.

Besides, what do you expect from the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea? Do you think you’re going to make them learn the skills they need to be a success? Do you think that’s what they want?

Face it, the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea doesn’t have money for college, even if they could get in. Their grades suck anyway and it’s too late to do anything about it. If they’re lucky, their dad will give them a job working at his dealership and their life won’t suck too bad.

However, the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea can only get that job if they finish high school. That’s what their dad said. To do that, they need to pass your class. Personally, I don’t think you should stand in the way of the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea.

But, that’s between you and them. As for us, I think I’ve addressed your comments. Please just give my paper a ‘D’ and let’s move on. That’s what we both really want.

Sincerely,

(or, as the Dani tribe of Papua, New Guinea say to outsiders: Meka leka hi meka hiney ho)

Max

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David S. Atkinson is the author of Bones Buried in the Dirt and the forthcoming The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes (EAB Publishing, Spring 2014). His writing has appeared in Bartleby Snopes, Grey Sparrow Journal, Interrobang?! Magazine, Atticus Review, and others. He spends his non-literary time working as a patent attorney in Denver.

Lead image: “Asaro dance team” (via Flickr user Kahunapule Michael Johnson)