I arrived home to find a six-foot-high wooden statue of myself on the front lawn.
“I couldn’t think of what else to get you for your birthday,” she said. I sympathized. I always have the same problem with her.
“It’s certainly lifelike,” I said.
“He works from photographs. I took them while you were asleep.”
“Right,” I said. “Right.”
We stood for a while, trying to avoid staring.
“Perhaps you were dreaming of something?” she said, breaking the awkward silence. “Something, you know…”
“Maybe.” I shook my head. “No, it’s going to have to go. What about the neighbors?”
She gave a sad smile. “I guess you’re right. Hold on.” She disappeared back into the house and returned with a saw. It didn’t take her long to remove the offending item. “Do you want to sand down the stump?” she said when she’d finished.
“I’d rather not.”
“Fair enough.” She paused for a moment. “So what are we going to do with this bit?” she said, holding it up.
We’ve ended up using it as a light pull for the downstairs bathroom. So far, none of our guests has made any comment, but I guess it’s only a matter of time.
Jonathan Pinnock has had over a hundred stories and poems published in places both illustrious and downright insalubrious. He has also won a few prizes and has had work broadcast on the BBC. His debut novel Mrs Darcy Versus the Aliens was published by Proxima Books in September 2011, and his Scott Prize-winning debut collection of short stories, Dot Dash, was published by Salt in November 2012. He blogs at www.jonathanpinnock.com and he tweets as @jonpinnock.
Lead image: “homunculus” (via Flickr user Mathieu Bertrand Struck)
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Jonathan, it’s your ‘cute’ story! 🙂
So, Jonathan, in the downstairs bathroom. The dick on a string, well in the dark before the light goes on, it feels sort of familiar. A little harder than I remember, but something the same. And being as how it’s wood, if you hold it for long enough it, well it’s sort of warm, you know. Nice piece!!
That may be the most alarming comment I’ve ever had on an online story. But thanks, anyway.
[…] out today is a cheeky little flash of mine, “Wood”, at the splendid Cease, Cows magazine. They’ve picked a great illustration for it, […]
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