Three Flash by Jade Freeman

A Stormy Night and Chalk was Missing from the Cupboard

      • The body was never found but the killer did leave a chalk outline of where the body was.
      • Colonel Mustard said there was no gunshot, but that his revolver was missing.
      • The creepy butler said no one entered or left the manor without his knowledge.
      • Green found bloody footprints but denied they matched the sole of his one-of-a-kind Ferragamo loafers.
      • White went to grab a lead pipe from her room for “protection,” but denied the red streaks were blood.
      • Peacock drew a smiley face in the chalk outline with red paint found in the conservatory.
      • Professor Plum said he found a book on how to remove blood stains from the oriental rug.
      • The conservatory was where the chalk outline was drawn.
      • Scarlet said she clubbed a man in the conservatory, but didn’t leave a chalk outline.
      • There was a note left in the library that said: The killer was in the secret room behind the bookcase.
      • The police stated that clearly there was no conclusive evidence to solve this case.
Extra, Extra!

“Extra, Extra!” (image via Flickr user gfpeck)

 

Welcome to the Seventh Annual Zombie Support and Strategy Conference

Our numbers are up 111% from last year, which is great. The blue team took out that large settlement near DC, really weakening the resistance. This year, I think we need to stop pretending to be slow and dumb. It was fun to fuck with the humans, but I think it’s just time to move on to more important agenda items like universal healthcare.

As My Spiritual Life Coach Says

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Give a man a fish and he’ll never learn to fish. A homeless man asked me for spare change after my yoga class at the temple, to which I replied with that mantra and a fishing pole. The man took the pole, beat me with it, then stole my wallet.

Jade Freeman is a writer currently living in Boston with her two dogs and working on her MFA at Emerson College. Her work has appeared in Red Fez and The Rain, Party, & Disaster Society.

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